It's never just to leave an abusive situation, you escape it. Sometimes, it takes several attempts to successfully do so, while it's often also the most dangerous phase of the abuse since the abuser will do everything in their power not only to prevent you from leaving, but also to maintain the control over you, the narrative and their public image.
Abuse is not always sudden - psychological abuse might be a slow and conditioning process where it's increased over long periods of time and the victim gets methodically broken down and isolated. Sometimes, the victim won't even realize they were abused until later, and find themselves stripped of their former self in a situation completely controlled by the abuser. Then you're already emotionally invested in the relationship, might have moved in together, married and have children with them which makes the situation even more complicated.
Shaming and judgement regarding why you didn't leave sooner, saw the red flags, spoke up or reported it is never helpful and also not relevant when you're dealing with or healing from the worst kind of mental abuse. The abusive people who do such things to others also know how to succeed with it, it's never the victim's fault. Never judge yourself harshly after being exposed to negative experiences you never asked for, neither had any knowledge about how to deal with or sufficient support to protect you from it.
Further obstacles appear in form of invalidation of your abusive experiences when trying to seek help or escape since the narrative and public image has been crafted to support the abuser. Your support system might have been compromised and manipulated by the abuser, meaning you'll be further traumatised when not getting support from those you might have counted on for help. The need for safe people is important for healing, which is also why the abusers work so hard on isolating you and preventing you from forming healthy relationships and making new connections which they can't control.
You can't heal from abuse in the same settings or with the same people that chose to deliberately harm you. Someone who has proven themselves capable of harming you on purpose will never be safe, and you should never stay around and wait for someone to change, neither trust their promises to do so. The risk is always that it's the beginning of another abusive cycle, but this time worse than before. Always focus on yourself and put your safety and wellbeing first - those who abuse you certainly won't and you don't owe them anything at all, least of all any kind of relationship or access to you and your life.
I write based on my own personal experiences and the knowledge I have gathered during my healing journey. The goal is to spread awareness and also provide the form of support I didn't have during difficult periods in my life. Never hesitate to seek professional help if you're in need to do so and always be mindful of online resources and forums when you're in a vulnerable state since toxic people troll and prey on others to make you feel worse. You deserve to live your life in peace and free from abuse, remember that you're important and here for a reason.
